burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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