Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
