she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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