his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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