I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
