You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
