just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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