It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
