remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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