we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All the doctor said was why
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
