Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
