I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
