I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your cock deserves a montage
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Someone came in the potted fern
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
