he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
