Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
