All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
