Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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