so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
