You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
