You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
