White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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