hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
