i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
