It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
