I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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