It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
