i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
