The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
