you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
