I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
