we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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