i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
