It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
