sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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