we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
