he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want to be your penis for a week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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