She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
