I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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