I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
