He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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