Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
