I am in a vortex of obligation.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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