I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
