I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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