dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
