I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
