I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you win again, gameday.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
