Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
