lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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