he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
