I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
