just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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