i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
